X-Out Social Media X-perience Social Life

A couple of weeks ago I was invited to participate in a Social Media Fast. It didn't take a lot of thought to know that the Lord was compelling me to be a part of it. I had done a semi fast from Facebook before but really didn't have anyone to hold me accountable so it was a little easier to "slip up".  I challenged my children to be a part of it as well.  We fasted from Facebook, instagram, twitter, games, as well as limited t.v. and radio. 

Day one was rough! I found myself going to my phone almost as natural as I picked up a cigarette and smoked before God delivered me. Without even thinking about it, it was so easy to start something and then get distracted by Facebook before. Honestly, I had to delete the whole app off of my phone and deactivate it. That evening my middle son and I had gotten into an argument because I had asked him to turn off the music he was playing. I was beginning to enjoy the quiet, with four kids that is simply rare.  I was able to expose the stronghold that  cell phone music had on him because of his reaction. 

Almost every night that week we read either a chapter out of the Bible or a devotional, talk about it and then we pray. Our usual 15 minutes lasted an hour. I was elated!! I even asked the kids  if there was anyone at school that was in need of  prayer and they came up with quite a list! It was awesome for them to be able to see all the people around us that are in need. 

That Friday, an Ice cream shop called Sweet Frog was having a Father, daughter "Princess and the Sweet Frog night."  I took my daughter because her father doesn't live here.  It was quite busy, there were lots of  pretty little girls dressed up in princess dresses with Tiaras. We had to wait a little while for a table but once we got one I noticed a dad holding his daughter,  trying to feed her too.  I offered him to come sit at our table. He gladly accepted. When he sat down I began to reach for my phone so I could  "hide behind it" so to speak. BUT I was fasting, so I pressed passed that awkward feeling and asked him a few questions.

Its amazed me how we were in deep conversation about life. His young daughter showed me pictures of herself, her mommy and  her daddy on his phone. It was great. I thought 'wow, this little girl is so proud of her daddy. (Isn't that how we feel about our Heavenly Father?)' He shared how he had just got off of work and rushed her over here to get ice cream.  I wondered what MOM was doing home alone for that little bit of free time too. 

Well, as we got ready to leave I was waiting for my little ones to finish up, I paused and looked around at all the little princesses and their daddy's. I then noticed that out of about 7 dads, 5 of them were on their phone, not even talking to their daughters as they sat there eating ice cream. My heart began to physically ache and I thought wow, look at all these little girls sitting "alone" entertaining themselves with ice cream as daddy plays on his phone. 

I walked behind one man and saw that he was playing Ruzzle. :/   I instantly began to pray and ask God to forgive me for anytime I may have made it seem like my phone was more important than talking to my children. It took me all the way back to my childhood, having parents that were there but not there if that makes any sense. It made me ill to think that we have come to a place where we hide behind phones, text messages and social media. We don't TALK to each other anymore. 

I'm so grateful that God allowed me to fast and see this for myself. I got so much accomplished this week and was able to focus on the more important things in my life. I would encourage anyone to try it for yourself and see what you have been missing out on!!!

Meet Tabata~ You can email her at here

I am so full of joy just to be loved by Jesus. I have a heart for children and making people feel special, valued and loved. I think every woman should know she is BEAUTIFUL, I'm still learning that for myself.

Love Others How They Want To Be Loved

Love others how they want to be loved, not how you want to be loved. Many present day relationships come to an end as fast as they came to be. In the end, it seems as if someone is always pointing the blame in the opposite direction. Although he/she may have been wrong, have you thought about the effort that you put in to love that person as they wanted to be loved?

We can be so selfish at times with our partner; majority of the time, not even realizing it. It’s only natural to have an expectation of love we receive with the same love that we give. For example, one may consider being left alone and given space when upset a form of love from their partner, while the other may want to be coddled when hurting. It’s so important to understand each other’s love language. Then you all can grow and teach each other, instead of rip each other apart from simple misunderstandings.

Take the time to truly get to know each other and challenge each other to love the other how they want to be loved, not how you want to be loved. After all, isn't love all enduring? Love cannot blossom to its full potential until it’s nurtured.

Who Lied To You?

Who lied to you and told you that you had to be perfect to come to God?

A friend of mine once said "I am not ready because I'm not ready to live my life like that."

Like what?

There's this strong misconception that one has to COME cleansed but that is an upright LIE! The Lord says "come as you are!"

Allow me to tell yall what that means.

That means broken, broke, abused, addicted, boisterous, cunning, deceiving, fraudulent, hopeless, insecure, jacked up, killer, sinner, lustful, knocked up, liar, hurt, used, bruised, backslider, opportunist, drug dealer, prostitute, and everything in between.

You come willing and He will do the rest. Know that it's going to take work, and a surpassing faith but He will bring comfort, peace, healing and restoration to every area of your life and the lives of your family if you trust Him enough to say "I can't do this without You" and then obey.

What are you waiting for? There's no mess too big or no heart too broken for God.

It's not a sprint. It's a marathon. Keep Going!

Date ALONE ???

Maybe this whole notion of being alone is natural to me since I was an only child. Do you know that there’s actually adults who fear being anywhere, but the bathroom, alone?  

They especially fear being seen in public alone, like say going to the movies, dinner or park. They think that gives them entitlement to 'creeper status' or gets them put in the same category as an elder alone that’s lost their spouse.

When we see an elderly person alone its actually quite sad if one has any type of heart. Some of us tend to associate ourselves in these positions and say “no, you’ve got to be a sad person to attempt to have fun (or fill in the blank) alone.”

I profoundly and boldly say: when you know and love yourself, YOU are your best company.

You see this world is so cluttered with mess, and texts, and facebook, and twitter, and boyfriends, and crazy girlfriends, fake people, work, bills, and a bunch of other things other than us.

How can one hear his or her own voice of reason clearly or talk to God when there’s so much noise? How can we truly appreciate the little things like our breath and absolutely invest our hearts in the moment? 

Because all we have is right now.

The people that don’t like to be alone many times get grumpy when there’s no company, feeling neglected by others when the truth is they’ve neglected themselves and their personal issues for so long that they just don’t know how to deal with them alone or without the validation and support of other worldly people.

I personally love those “Sunday mornings of life,” as India Arie calls them. Those moments to reflect and realize what I have to offer to this world and how important it is to put INVEST in me an equal balance for what I put OUT.

The truth of the matter is, the more time we don’t sit and let everything marinate; the harder it will be to deal with the future. Although it seems that the ones who are always in a hurry and anxious not to miss anything the crowd is doing are 'winning', they’ll eventually run into stagnation if they don’t take that time alone.

If it’s been a while since you took yourself on a date, I strongly advise you to do so. Turn off your phone and get lost. Stop at the cool little ice cream shop you look at every time you drive by. Go jogging in that park full of nature. Visit that museum that you cannot convince any of your lame friends to go to. Purchase a book and go into outer space.

It’s “sexy season” as my friend Stephanie Rosen likes to say. I’ll interpret that as, it’s time to take care of YOU!   

Equal Intelligence Level...Huh?

A few years ago when I was going through it with my high school sweetheart and thought I would end up marrying this boy (ridiculous, I know), I asked my grandmother “Abuela, you and Abuelo have been married for over 40 years now, what has kept you guys together?” She answered “well, when choosing a life partner, equal intelligence level is the most important thing.” I was so intrigued and surprised by her answer that I continued to dig as to why she didn’t just say “love” or “God” or “patience”….the typical answers people are used to hearing.

She told me that “without an equal intelligence level there is no understanding of any of these other qualities that you’re used to hearing.” Then I got to thinking…honestly though, how can two partners explain their personal stance on subjects that they feel strongly about if the other partner cannot mentally understand what the other is talking about?

I’m not saying that two people must be alike. I’m not saying that they need to have the same background or financial upbringing. But if they are drastically different, they must hold an open mind.

Intelligence level to me isn’t weighed by a number, nor a trivia game, or even a reputable reward. Intelligence level to me means drive and action. The notions that you personally don’t know it all but are willing to learn. Why not learn from the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with? Same intelligence level is having a thorough awareness of you and meeting the other person in a similar playing field.

To teach each other they must be willing to be taught and maybe that’s where respect falls short in some relationships. If one person doesn’t believe in what they say or do, then others won’t either. Not even a partner. Maybe respect is gained and lost through intelligence level as well. How can we respect a partner who doesn’t have his or her own mind or an urge to learn? How can we respect a partner who doesn’t have drive or charisma?

The answer is we CAN'T unless the people in the relationship are ignorant to the same things, the same traits, and the same exposure. I believe that the reason why a person who graduated top of their class from Harvard and a person who didn’t graduate high school can last is because they each have a respect for the others opinion. What one person lacks in, the other can build on.

Of course the typical answers are completely relevant in my personal book. God, love, and patience plus many other traits must be added to the mix. But these qualities are all communicated though the very intelligence level that I’m writing about. This blog isn’t in reference to a high school sweetheart,a first love, or any minimal lesson. It’s the self knowledge that happens after the fact.

I think my Abuela might have been right on point when she answered my question because my Abuelo still looks at her like she’s a queen. I only hope to stay with a man who respects mind and my values as she did.

So today I’ll ask you, to take a look within yourself as I did. Do you know who you truly are? Do you know what positives you can bring into a relationship? Do you know what values you won’t compromise? Do you know how to communicate them?

Know yourself thoroughly before you attempt to know another; especially the person you may want to spend the rest of your life with. A great partner will take you through undiscovered mazes within yourself, walk you through being lost, and never shun you once. Now that’s the type of intelligence that will make a lasting relationship. The learning never ends…

The Vicious Cycle

An experience that we have all witnessed, partaken in, or been damaged by; being cheated on is no pleasant situation. In recent years there have been a vast majority of studies trying to analysis just why people cheat, even dividing the sexes through different reasoning’s but I wanted to do an accumulation of all of these theories and entangle some real testimonies to gain a better understanding of all of the aspects that could be involved. I again am not condoning infidelity, but simply have come to the subject with an open mind and considering every view point.

Ladies, as hard as it may be to believe men are more susceptible to cheat by an organic means of biology. Levels of testosterone have been linked to infidelity. Since the “caveman days” men have been engrained with the notion that survival of the species is dependent on their procreation. But let’s keep it real, in today’s society, getting the chick on the side pregnant is the last thing a cheating man wants to do.

To them the affair is more about the conquest than anything else. They enjoy the logistics of orchestrating the affair without their partner learning of their transgressions. To them the “thrill” of sneaking around and the fear of being caught create an adrenaline rush. That rush can be more important than the affair or even their current relationship.

Men also cheat because of competition. Whether it’s their favorite sports team, arguing who made up that “word” first, or who gets more bitches, men have a true passion to gain recognition for being right. When a man is in a committed relationship he can’t do the same things single guys do obviously, but the temptations of his boys still living “that life” is enough to tempt his ego to step in just to be “the man” once again. This of course is only applicable to immature males.

As raw as it sounds some men just do it “because they can“. A mixture of temptation with the right timing and place has the recipe for disaster to someone with restricted boundaries. Something else takes over, and I’ll once again link it back to their biology (or their personal lack of self control), and there’s no thinking. Two brains that have to commit telepathy to connect, his head and his other head are on different playing fields.

Repetitiveness can be a huge turn off to some men (females as well). Ladies, I don’t care if you’re the conservative type, when in the bedroom in the privacy of your own home, you make sure that you constantly spice things up. Take control. As much as men would love to say they enjoy having control all of the time, they appreciate a woman who takes the lead every now and then. If you’re in a committed relationship you don’t have to worry about looking like a whore, all you’ve got to worry about is being the best so that when he’s out with his boys all he thinks about is what happened with you before he stepped out and how he can’t wait to come home to that…

Men are naturally hunters. They feed off challenge, the conquest of getting you as well as the accomplishment of keeping you. Not only do they want to keep the one that they have but they want the person that they have to admire them. They need their ego stroked. If all their partner is doing is “bitching,” they go looking for others to stroke their ego. That’s the sad reality.

Just as men need their ego stroked, combed, and styled; women often cheat because of lack of affection. When men appear to be emotionally withdrawn women will seek attention from new prospects. The “new man” doesn’t have a problem telling her how beautiful she is or how much he appreciates her mind. In reality this man is usually only there for a good time. “What’s a better challenge and open ended deal than a woman who already has somebody? Her man can handle the bullshit; I just handle the good shit. Easy.”

Women use cheating as a means to get even. Maybe her man had a past affair or she just has a wound that was never healed, she will seek out in another as an ointment to get rid of that scar. This typically doesn’t work out the way they anticipated though. But as the quote goes “hell hath no fury like a women scorned.”

Some women cheat because in their mind “it’s already over.” Instead of breaking it off the way a real woman would, they find another so that when the break up does occur, they have somebody to fall back on. They don’t have to deal with that lonely break up period or the stress of having to repair the relationship. Many times women will be “talking” to another man on the side before the break up is official. That’s still cheating ladies! No if, ands, or maybes.

Lack of intimacy can make a women feel like a neglected puppy. I’m not just talking about sex. I’m talking about the hugs, kisses, and good communication. All women desire to be treated with caring respect. When intimacy is lacking women are more susceptible to seek it in others. But really though, if communicating their feelings at this point to their partner doesn’t work, they should most definitely get up and leave.

I know I said I’d remain open-minded but LET’S KEEP IT AUTHENTIC, I personally have no pity for cheaters.

Every man and women alike is entitled to have what he or she wants in their mate. It’s all about communication. The sexes misinterpret each other all of the time. While women think with emotion, the man thinks logically. And we can each argue who’s way of thinking is better or who has a stronger point but in all honesty they BOTH need to get together to find resolutions that satisfy the BOTH of them.

If cheating occurs there’s no need to point fingers at your partner, just simply bite your OWN (off). Cheating is choice, not an exception under certain circumstances, not a means to get even, and not a recreational sport. It’s wrong. It’s immoral. It damages others. It creates vicious cycles and it breaks up families.

No need to depend on another to make you happy. Happiness begins within you and ultimately no void will be filled by finding momentary comfort in another. Cheating is a form of weakness, never a form of strength, as the “pimp” will argue. It takes a stronger man or women to stay committed and work things out as adults.

No one said relationships would be easy but if a person feels they’re not worth it, they should get out of it! I don’t want to hear people’s lame excuses: “He did it first.” “She gets on my nerves.” “It was in the moment.” “I was drunk.” NO. Shut the fuck up and take responsibility for the unfinished business you have going on within yourself. No personal secretary, side joint, or stud is going to make you feel better in the end. Work out your own “stuff” before you commit to another and have to courage and self respect to know when enough is enough.

As a good friend of mine said “In reality though, if we were more HUMBLE we would treat everyone's feelings equally, and realize that true happiness, can only come from the ... Higher Power. That's why they say, we should dedicate our lives to Him. When we do, we begin to TRULY search for, and DEDICATE ourselves to ONE person that we can SHARE that happiness with, as opposed to just moving from one person to the next in an illusory search for WHO can make us feel best: because.. No one actually can.” (Thank you Ray. I could not allow myself to butcher or even attempt to paraphrase such a well put together perspective. No higher truth than the spiritual truth.)

The two people in a relationship will of course have differences BUT THE ONE QUALITY ALL PEOPLE SHOULD BE BIASED ON WHEN SEARCHING FOR A MATE ARE PEOPLE WITH DIFFERENT PRINCIPLES; especially when it comes to the treatment of others. And for goodness sake, please don’t go looking in others what you lack in yourselves. Playing games with people will come back to the cheaters one way or another. Before they know it hearts get broken and the person that they actually want one day will break theirs. So instead of breaking ties, vows, and trust can we please just BREAK THIS VICIOUS CYCLE?



(A special Thank You goes out to all of the people who gave me their input on this complex yet simple topic. Yall know who you are and just know that your honesty is very much appreciated!)