The Vicious Cycle

An experience that we have all witnessed, partaken in, or been damaged by; being cheated on is no pleasant situation. In recent years there have been a vast majority of studies trying to analysis just why people cheat, even dividing the sexes through different reasoning’s but I wanted to do an accumulation of all of these theories and entangle some real testimonies to gain a better understanding of all of the aspects that could be involved. I again am not condoning infidelity, but simply have come to the subject with an open mind and considering every view point.

Ladies, as hard as it may be to believe men are more susceptible to cheat by an organic means of biology. Levels of testosterone have been linked to infidelity. Since the “caveman days” men have been engrained with the notion that survival of the species is dependent on their procreation. But let’s keep it real, in today’s society, getting the chick on the side pregnant is the last thing a cheating man wants to do.

To them the affair is more about the conquest than anything else. They enjoy the logistics of orchestrating the affair without their partner learning of their transgressions. To them the “thrill” of sneaking around and the fear of being caught create an adrenaline rush. That rush can be more important than the affair or even their current relationship.

Men also cheat because of competition. Whether it’s their favorite sports team, arguing who made up that “word” first, or who gets more bitches, men have a true passion to gain recognition for being right. When a man is in a committed relationship he can’t do the same things single guys do obviously, but the temptations of his boys still living “that life” is enough to tempt his ego to step in just to be “the man” once again. This of course is only applicable to immature males.

As raw as it sounds some men just do it “because they can“. A mixture of temptation with the right timing and place has the recipe for disaster to someone with restricted boundaries. Something else takes over, and I’ll once again link it back to their biology (or their personal lack of self control), and there’s no thinking. Two brains that have to commit telepathy to connect, his head and his other head are on different playing fields.

Repetitiveness can be a huge turn off to some men (females as well). Ladies, I don’t care if you’re the conservative type, when in the bedroom in the privacy of your own home, you make sure that you constantly spice things up. Take control. As much as men would love to say they enjoy having control all of the time, they appreciate a woman who takes the lead every now and then. If you’re in a committed relationship you don’t have to worry about looking like a whore, all you’ve got to worry about is being the best so that when he’s out with his boys all he thinks about is what happened with you before he stepped out and how he can’t wait to come home to that…

Men are naturally hunters. They feed off challenge, the conquest of getting you as well as the accomplishment of keeping you. Not only do they want to keep the one that they have but they want the person that they have to admire them. They need their ego stroked. If all their partner is doing is “bitching,” they go looking for others to stroke their ego. That’s the sad reality.

Just as men need their ego stroked, combed, and styled; women often cheat because of lack of affection. When men appear to be emotionally withdrawn women will seek attention from new prospects. The “new man” doesn’t have a problem telling her how beautiful she is or how much he appreciates her mind. In reality this man is usually only there for a good time. “What’s a better challenge and open ended deal than a woman who already has somebody? Her man can handle the bullshit; I just handle the good shit. Easy.”

Women use cheating as a means to get even. Maybe her man had a past affair or she just has a wound that was never healed, she will seek out in another as an ointment to get rid of that scar. This typically doesn’t work out the way they anticipated though. But as the quote goes “hell hath no fury like a women scorned.”

Some women cheat because in their mind “it’s already over.” Instead of breaking it off the way a real woman would, they find another so that when the break up does occur, they have somebody to fall back on. They don’t have to deal with that lonely break up period or the stress of having to repair the relationship. Many times women will be “talking” to another man on the side before the break up is official. That’s still cheating ladies! No if, ands, or maybes.

Lack of intimacy can make a women feel like a neglected puppy. I’m not just talking about sex. I’m talking about the hugs, kisses, and good communication. All women desire to be treated with caring respect. When intimacy is lacking women are more susceptible to seek it in others. But really though, if communicating their feelings at this point to their partner doesn’t work, they should most definitely get up and leave.

I know I said I’d remain open-minded but LET’S KEEP IT AUTHENTIC, I personally have no pity for cheaters.

Every man and women alike is entitled to have what he or she wants in their mate. It’s all about communication. The sexes misinterpret each other all of the time. While women think with emotion, the man thinks logically. And we can each argue who’s way of thinking is better or who has a stronger point but in all honesty they BOTH need to get together to find resolutions that satisfy the BOTH of them.

If cheating occurs there’s no need to point fingers at your partner, just simply bite your OWN (off). Cheating is choice, not an exception under certain circumstances, not a means to get even, and not a recreational sport. It’s wrong. It’s immoral. It damages others. It creates vicious cycles and it breaks up families.

No need to depend on another to make you happy. Happiness begins within you and ultimately no void will be filled by finding momentary comfort in another. Cheating is a form of weakness, never a form of strength, as the “pimp” will argue. It takes a stronger man or women to stay committed and work things out as adults.

No one said relationships would be easy but if a person feels they’re not worth it, they should get out of it! I don’t want to hear people’s lame excuses: “He did it first.” “She gets on my nerves.” “It was in the moment.” “I was drunk.” NO. Shut the fuck up and take responsibility for the unfinished business you have going on within yourself. No personal secretary, side joint, or stud is going to make you feel better in the end. Work out your own “stuff” before you commit to another and have to courage and self respect to know when enough is enough.

As a good friend of mine said “In reality though, if we were more HUMBLE we would treat everyone's feelings equally, and realize that true happiness, can only come from the ... Higher Power. That's why they say, we should dedicate our lives to Him. When we do, we begin to TRULY search for, and DEDICATE ourselves to ONE person that we can SHARE that happiness with, as opposed to just moving from one person to the next in an illusory search for WHO can make us feel best: because.. No one actually can.” (Thank you Ray. I could not allow myself to butcher or even attempt to paraphrase such a well put together perspective. No higher truth than the spiritual truth.)

The two people in a relationship will of course have differences BUT THE ONE QUALITY ALL PEOPLE SHOULD BE BIASED ON WHEN SEARCHING FOR A MATE ARE PEOPLE WITH DIFFERENT PRINCIPLES; especially when it comes to the treatment of others. And for goodness sake, please don’t go looking in others what you lack in yourselves. Playing games with people will come back to the cheaters one way or another. Before they know it hearts get broken and the person that they actually want one day will break theirs. So instead of breaking ties, vows, and trust can we please just BREAK THIS VICIOUS CYCLE?



(A special Thank You goes out to all of the people who gave me their input on this complex yet simple topic. Yall know who you are and just know that your honesty is very much appreciated!)