I always get asked “where did gorgeous inside come from?” Besides the obvious reason of its representation, I’ll tell you how it came about for me.
Like many of us, when I was an adolescent I was lost. I will say I was a bit beyond though. I did things I never was supposed to do at a young age and influenced others to do the same. Not something I am proud of but lessons I am grateful for.
In all of my craziness, and outlandish behavior, I never quite fit in. I was popular but still felt very alone. My friends would give me the side eye when I would want to talk intellectually and they wanted to talk about cute boys. It’s like God injected me with wisdom at birth because sometimes the things that would come out of my mouth even surprised me. I admit, I ‘dumbed myself down’ at times not to be quite an alien (because that’s what I felt like at the time).
So in accordance with my blog title, I can’t lie to yall: One day when I was fourteen, I was smoking weed with some kids in the neighborhood and walking around. On our journey we walked by this house which was for sale. It had a for sale sign and an “I’m gorgeous inside” sign. Where I grew up, at the time, the houses were rag-it-ty. So I guess the sign was the perfect cope out, or else no one would step foot into that house.
|(Something like this)|
The sign called out to me in my heightened stupor. I wanted to take it but I knew that it was wrong. Just as I touched it and looked up, there was a woman in a suit at the window smiling at me and nodding her head. As if she was saying “take it, it’s yours.” So I did, running like the cops were coming after me.
When I turned fifteen and started driving, that sign boldly sat in my back window. Anyone I grew up with can tell you that’s how they recognized my Honda. One day this man was honking at me at a light and as I’m ready to curse him out he smiled and said “it’s so nice to see that sign. There are too many people that just care about their outer and don’t worry about their inner.”
His words never left my heart. At that point I understood my calling a little bit more, although throughout the years, I still got lost along the way. I knew that I didn’t fully fit in for a reason. And the nights where I cried alone because someone called me naïve for being so forgiving or ‘too emotional’, God would tap me on my shoulder and say “You’re gorgeous inside. Don’t worry about them.”
Gorgeous inside isn’t a pretty picture. It’s a calling. It’s those intangible moments only created by God. And it’s the overcoming of conflict within to walk on purpose and not for others. Gorgeous inside is truth embedded in substance. Gorgeous inside is not a flashy mob, but sometimes it’s just walking alone with God and truly listening to your heart.
Gorgeous inside means ‘I don’t care about your attire, whose flyer, or who can pay the highest bill’. Gorgeous inside is vulnerability and transparency at its finest, admitting that at times we come short but when we give our 100, God does the rest. Gorgeous inside is more blessed than a woman with a double D chest because gorgeous inside understands that it is our inner light and our outer deeds that truly make us beautiful!
I am gorgeous inside. Are you?