A few years ago when I was going through it with my high school sweetheart and thought I would end up marrying this boy (ridiculous, I know), I asked my grandmother “Abuela, you and Abuelo have been married for over 40 years now, what has kept you guys together?” She answered “well, when choosing a life partner, equal intelligence level is the most important thing.” I was so intrigued and surprised by her answer that I continued to dig as to why she didn’t just say “love” or “God” or “patience”….the typical answers people are used to hearing.
She told me that “without an equal intelligence level there is no understanding of any of these other qualities that you’re used to hearing.” Then I got to thinking…honestly though, how can two partners explain their personal stance on subjects that they feel strongly about if the other partner cannot mentally understand what the other is talking about?
I’m not saying that two people must be alike. I’m not saying that they need to have the same background or financial upbringing. But if they are drastically different, they must hold an open mind.
Intelligence level to me isn’t weighed by a number, nor a trivia game, or even a reputable reward. Intelligence level to me means drive and action. The notions that you personally don’t know it all but are willing to learn. Why not learn from the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with? Same intelligence level is having a thorough awareness of you and meeting the other person in a similar playing field.
To teach each other they must be willing to be taught and maybe that’s where respect falls short in some relationships. If one person doesn’t believe in what they say or do, then others won’t either. Not even a partner. Maybe respect is gained and lost through intelligence level as well. How can we respect a partner who doesn’t have his or her own mind or an urge to learn? How can we respect a partner who doesn’t have drive or charisma?
The answer is we CAN'T unless the people in the relationship are ignorant to the same things, the same traits, and the same exposure. I believe that the reason why a person who graduated top of their class from Harvard and a person who didn’t graduate high school can last is because they each have a respect for the others opinion. What one person lacks in, the other can build on.
Of course the typical answers are completely relevant in my personal book. God, love, and patience plus many other traits must be added to the mix. But these qualities are all communicated though the very intelligence level that I’m writing about. This blog isn’t in reference to a high school sweetheart,a first love, or any minimal lesson. It’s the self knowledge that happens after the fact.
I think my Abuela might have been right on point when she answered my question because my Abuelo still looks at her like she’s a queen. I only hope to stay with a man who respects mind and my values as she did.
So today I’ll ask you, to take a look within yourself as I did. Do you know who you truly are? Do you know what positives you can bring into a relationship? Do you know what values you won’t compromise? Do you know how to communicate them?
Know yourself thoroughly before you attempt to know another; especially the person you may want to spend the rest of your life with. A great partner will take you through undiscovered mazes within yourself, walk you through being lost, and never shun you once. Now that’s the type of intelligence that will make a lasting relationship. The learning never ends…